--------------------------------------------
DIRECTIVE: PROHIBITION ON FEEDING THE STAIRS
--------------------------------------------
TO: ALL CLEARANCE HOLDERS, FIELD OPERATIVES, AND INCIDENTAL BUILDING OCCUPANTS
1. PURPOSE
This directive formally reiterates Standing Order INFRA-17: Under no circumstances are stairs to be fed, nurtured, offered sustenance, or “encouraged to grow stronger.”
Recent observational reports indicate a resurgence of unauthorized stair-feeding activity across multiple facilities, particularly during low-light hours and periods of emotional vulnerability.
2. STATUS OF STAIRS
For operational clarity:
Stairs are:
- Structural access infrastructure
- Non-sentient (despite behavioral illusions)
- Not capable of digestion, gratitude, or preference
However, they are also:
- Prone to interpretive instability under anthropomorphic projection
- Increasingly “responsive” when treated as biological entities
- Suspected of encouraging dependency behaviors in human subjects
3. PROHIBITED ACTIONS
The following actions are strictly forbidden:
- Leaving food items on stair treads (including bread, soup, or “offering crumbs”)
- Whispering encouragement such as “good stairs” while ascending
- Attempting to “train” stairs through repeated reward cycles
- Placing bowls of water at landings “so they don’t get thirsty”
- Naming individual steps as if they are a collective organism
4. OBSERVED ANOMALOUS BEHAVIOR
In monitored incidents, staircases exposed to prolonged feeding behavior have demonstrated:
- Increased creak synchronization
- Subtle height inconsistencies (non-Euclidean deviation under review)
- Emotional leaning (subjective reports of “judgment” from handrails)
- Temporary refusal to allow descent until acknowledged
These effects are not yet classified as sentient activity but are under evaluation.
5. CORRECTIVE GUIDANCE
If you encounter a fed staircase:
- Do NOT apologize directly to individual steps
- Do NOT attempt to “balance the offering” by feeding lower steps
- Maintain normal pace and avoid extended eye contact with risers
- If stairs appear “disappointed,” continue walking as instructed
6. CULTURAL MISCONCEPTION NOTICE
The K GROUP OSAA acknowledges persistent folklore suggesting that stairs “appreciate attention” or “become friendlier when nourished.”
This is incorrect.
Stairs do not become friendlier.
They become more confident.
7. FINAL WARNING
Repeated feeding of stairs may result in:
- Reclassification of the building as “semi-hostile vertical environment”
- Increased stair incline variability
- Mandatory use of elevators accompanied by supervision
8. CONCLUSION
Stairs are not hungry.
You are projecting.
Cease immediately.
SIGNED:
Director, Office of Structural Anomaly Compliance