K GROUP
OFFICE OF STRATEGIC ANOMALOUS AUTHORIZATIONS (OSAA)
DEPARTMENT OF FRUIT SECURITY AND CONTAINMENT
CLASSIFICATION: BANANA CLEARANCE LEVEL OMEGA
DOCUMENT ID: KG-OMEGA-BANANA-01
DISTRIBUTION: ALL K GROUP ACTION TEAM LEADERS
PRIORITY: IMMEDIATE

OFFICIAL NOTICE
SUBJECT: IMPLEMENTATION OF BANANA CLEARANCE LEVEL OMEGA
TO: ALL K GROUP ACTION TEAM LEADERS
Effective immediately, K GROUP is raising all banana-related operations to BANANA CLEARANCE LEVEL OMEGA.
This escalation follows the findings of Investigation Report FR-77B, which concluded that existing banana oversight procedures were "optimistic at best" and "actively encouraging the situation" at worst.
As most of you are aware, the events in Sector [REDACTED] on [REDACTED] resulted in the temporary suspension of standard fruit handling protocols and the permanent discontinuation of several previously accepted assumptions.
For legal reasons, K GROUP may no longer assume that a banana is:
Merely a banana
Stationary
Acting alone
Aware of its own classification
Unaware of our classification

THREAT ASSESSMENT
Current intelligence indicates elevated banana activity across multiple sectors.
Reported incidents include:
Bananas appearing in rooms without documented entry
Unauthorized bunch formation
Bananas exceeding expected confidence levels
Personnel reporting that bananas "seem to be waiting"
One banana possessing a visitor badge. NOTE: The visitor badge form was properly completed, by hand. Security cameras show no movement by banana or banana-related persons, around said banana.
This remains concerning.

ACTION TEAM DIRECTIVES
Effective immediately:
All bananas are to be treated as potentially significant until proven otherwise.
Team leaders must ensure personnel maintain a minimum observation distance of 1.5 meters from any unsupervised banana.
Personnel are prohibited from:
Naming bananas
Promoting bananas
Electing bananas to committee positions
Discussing strategic plans within earshot of bananas
Any banana observed wearing accessories shall be reported immediately.
Any banana observed issuing instructions shall be reported more immediately.

CLEARANCE LEVEL OMEGA INDICATORS
A banana may warrant OMEGA classification if it:
□ Appears in inventory records before arrival
□ Appears in photographs taken prior to arrival
□ Refuses disposal
□ Is observed more frequently than statistically reasonable
□ Appears disappointed
□ Is somehow involved in meetings
□ Has acquired followers
□ Has begun asking questions

INCIDENT REPORTING
Should an OMEGA-level banana event occur, personnel are instructed to submit Form FR-22:
"Notification of Elevated Banana Circumstances"
Do NOT attempt to negotiate.
Do NOT attempt to outsmart the banana.
Previous attempts have yielded mixed results.

FINAL REMARKS
K GROUP wishes to remind all Action Team Leaders that BANANA CLEARANCE LEVEL OMEGA exists solely as a precautionary measure.
There is currently no evidence that bananas are coordinating their activities.
There is also no evidence that they are not.
Continue normal operations.
Remain vigilant.
Trust your training.
Question your bananas.
SIGNED,
Director [REDACTED]
Office of Strategic Anomalous Authorizations
K GROUP

THIS NOTICE SHALL REMAIN IN EFFECT UNTIL:
A) CONDITIONS IMPROVE
B) CONDITIONS WORSEN
C) THE BANANAS EXPLAIN THEMSELVES